I honestly don’t know where to go from here.  I don’t know how to feel or what to think or which direction to pursue.  What I do know…I love him and he loves me.  What I do know….Sorry doesn’t fix everything and make it all ok.  Sorry doesn’t even begin to tell me that you understand why I was so upset to begin with.  Sorry doesn’t tell me that you wont be talking with other women.  Sorry doesn’t mean its okay for you to accuse me of the things you have.  Saying you were mad doesn’t make it okay either.

10 months we’ve been learning and working together to make this work since we both want it.  And in 5 minutes you tore it to shreds with a few comments.  I don’t think you have an inkling of what you’ve said or done or the position you put me in.  This isn’t about a few angry comments.  This is about the context of the comments.  The whole reason for the comments.  Trust.  Trust is key.  Its the foundation for any relationship.  And you shattered that yesterday.  How do we move beyond this if there is no trust between us?  You seem to think I still communicate with these men….and then delete the conversations to hide the fact.  That’s a huge accusation.  A huge lack of trust in me.  I know you still have conversations with other women.  I just don’t know what those conversations entail.  Not sure I want to know after yesterday.  But now its to the point where I will always question who you’re talking to now.  Before I would assume it was your daughter or you were shopping or reading news or what not.  Because I wanted to believe it.  Now…  I don’t know if I can.   This is no good.  I’m lost and hurt and confused and pissed off.  I have read through our conversation time and again and every time it just pisses me off.  Because I did nothing to provoke this.  Nothing wrong.  Nothing to incite your jealousy.  I wasn’t even mad you went through my phone.  I was upset that you felt the need to.  And here we are now.

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