Almost 7 months now. And while I think we have more good than bad, you seem to focus on the bad. There has to be a balance. And if the good doesnt make up for or counter the bad than you have to make a decision.
Yes, Im emotional. Yes, I have feelings. Yes, I cry occassionally. I have kids, work and life coming at me full speed and some days are harder than others. I should be allowed to express myself without feeling as if I am inconveniencing you or walking on eggshells because if Im too emotional you’ll just leave. It makes me resentful that I feel that way. And then I feel guilty for being resentful because I love you and you’re already dealing with so much.
We keep having this conversation. Good days are great. No questions asked, always and forever. When the bad days pop up its the usual…”I cant/wont handle this” conversation. I dont want to keep having this conversation. I want you here, of your own free will, regardless. Good day, bad day, awesome day, horrible day. I need to know you’re going to be solid. You’re going to be there for me and I’ll be there for you, no matter what. But thats not where you’re at. You’re still doing the math and expecting the worst down the road. Everythings so pivotal on this and that. And yet you’re always, one day at a time….conflicting. I can’t live like that. All or nothing. I need you to be supportive on my bad days…not making me feel guilty, unintentional or not, for being emotional. Just like I will always be there for you.
This isnt something I can control, manipulate or do for you. Im not going to push, pull, drag, coerce, beg or manipulate or guilt you one way or the other. You have to make your decisions for you. But I cant do this yo yo anymore. If im already having a bad day, the last thing I need is to feel as if I dont have you supporting me. That youre trying to find the quickest way out. That youre upset because Im upset and now its just shit. Nothing is perfect and not every day is a happy happy joy joy day.