I have found over the last few years that I need very little. I want a lot of things, but I have all I need and then some.
In practical daily life terms….I’m set. I have a car, an apartment, a job. Kids are housed, fed, clothed and educated.
In matters of the heart..how do you apply the Want vs Need? What do I absolutely need from a significant other? What are the wants, the I would like to haves but I can do with outs? Compromise is a positive thing, but how much should you compromise when picking someone to spend, hopefully, the rest of your life with?
You see the lists of things people want, and really, they’re all the same things. Honesty, Loyalty, Caring, Affectionate, Trustworthy. Sense of Humor, Patience, etc….
What are the nitty gritty things that would just drive you batty? Maybe the list of things you cant tolerate would be a better thing to go by when choosing a mate? Maybe it would also give you a little self reflection at the same time…am I really that easy? Am I really that picky?? How detailed should that list be?
I started talking to a guy last night and while he keeps throwing in there, if, he has all these wants and plans and I almost feel as if he just wants someone, anyone, to fill in the hole so he can do them. Not that I’m opposed to his ideas and things he would like to do down the road, it just feels odd to talk about future possible plans with someone you’ve never even met. Especially when in the back of my head all I keep thinking is…I want my Boo Bear…
I was talking with someone before and I had told him, after 6 years, he was my Long Distance Boy Friend. LDBF…. He says, I accept…in his way…being so cute. Its odd, because after 6 long years I thought maybe we would finally actually attempt a relationship. And as soon as we agreed we both wanted more, life stepped in again. He got promoted at work and required a legal degree and travel. While he was already a workaholic and 3 hours away, now he was pretty much lost to me. Between familial obligations, schooling for the degree, work in town and out of town he felt it best to not. And to say its always difficult to make the hard calls, he did, without my input or thoughts. He just quit. And while I want to attempt it, he has pretty much walked away. It hurts. I see all these relationship quotes and stuff online and of course he’s always my first thought. That’s cute, I should send that to him or he would like that…but it doesn’t matter because, he’s not there. Again he has shut the door and latched the windows and I’m standing there like an idiot banging my head against the wall.
So, I keep trying to convince myself its better this way. That I don’t want to love or be with someone who wont stand with me when things get challenging or difficult. That I don’t want someone who cant/wont make time for me. And its not working. As much as they’re logically sound reasons, in my head, my heart says, you love him stupid, he’s trying to protect you and hope you find someone better, more deserving. Sadly, I know this is exactly what he thinks, because I just know him that well. And all I want to do is just smack him and make him understand that, he is what I want.
Do I need him?? Can I live without him? Yes, on both counts it seems. But how do I get him to relent and try? Can I convince him? Should I even try? Its like begging someone to love you even though you already know they do..