What do you do when you live with someone you used to like but now have no respect for. After watching and learning about him and his daughters for the last few months I have come to the conclusion that, I just don’t respect him. He doesn’t respect himself even at this point, I think.
Its sad to me that there was so much in common, so much potential there, to be squashed by such a thing as respect. The lack of for himself, from his kids and for anyone else.
I have been posting on here for the last few months about the ordeals going on in the house with the new dynamics, his kids and him… Since they moved in it seems like it has been nothing but arguments, fighting, stress and resentment. Don’t get me wrong, there have been good days in there in between, but there always seems to be tension in the background.
His kids clearly wanted nothing to do with rules and regulations, consequences or punishment. Evidenced by the fact that anytime we had conversation’s and punishment or discipline came in to the picture that’s when the biggest arguments arose. The one night I took their phones since they refused to go to sleep, they practically had a cow over it telling him flat out they didn’t like it and he’d never done it before so why now.
He clearly had no idea how to handle them as a parent. In my opinion, from what I see, resents the fact that he has them and the responsibility of them.
I write this thinking to myself, I am very judgmental of him and I have no right. My only problem with all of this is that they live in my house, affecting me and my kids lives every day and I disapprove strongly. I don’t like the influence his kids have had on mine. I don’t like that my kids have had to endure all of this with a smile and act like there is nothing wrong half the time when they feel the tension just as much as I do. I don’t like that he lives with his face in his phone 90% of the time escaping into his little world acting like everything will fix itself.
When we first met, he seemed to talk as if he had a lot of similar problems. Living with his sister, me with the roommate, both interfering with the rearing of our children. Both, unhappy and wanting out. Both had daughters of the same age ranges going to the same schools. Both of us had similar attitudes and thoughts on most things. Parenting was our one thing where we varied. I was a lot more strict with my kids and quick to deal out punishment. His thoughts were to just let the kids be kids while they could due ot the fact that theyd had such shitty childhoods so far…. That doesn’t negate the fact that as a parent it is your job, your responsibility to raise your kids to be respectable responsible young adults.
With the attitudes and behaviors I have seen personally of his children, they are in for some rude awakenings in life. The first time you smart mouth or walk out mid conversation at a job, you’re fired, if you even get hired. The first time you get into an argument with a co worker over something petty, you get written up, if not worse. The first time someone bumps into you and you push or punch them your getting charged with assault….these are not acceptable adult behaviors, but this is how his children behave on a daily basis.
How do you respect someone who clearly has no regard for your feelings, morals and expectations. How do you respect someone who has no respect for himself. I say he has no respect for himself due to several incidents but the most recent was his daughter hitting him at the dinner table and his lack of response. At what point do you punish your child, she retaliates physically and you just let it go? When did that become acceptable parenting practice? Does he not recognize all he is doing is enforcing that she can do as she pleases?
I say he resents the fact that he has his kids due to his tantrums every time one of them pisses him off. He gets mad, cusses and stomps off complaining about all the bullshit, constantly telling them if they don’t like it they can leave, there’s the door. Really…is that the behavior you want your children to learn from you? When they are mad its completely acceptable to stomp off and throw a huge tantrum?! You’re an adult, one with children looking to you for supervision, guidance and advice. You are their example. Behave like it.
In the middle of one of his daughters tantrums she made a comment that countered something he and I had discussed previously. Its a simple question and he lied about it. Clearly, no one wants to divulge their past, especially when its not good, but if you’re going to be in a relationship with someone, honesty is always the best policy. After hearing her and verifying through another source, I had to question just what else did he lie about?
I find that after this short time with him and his kids I am not as non judgmental and accepting as I thought I was. I will have to work on these things, but also I will have to better gauge my ability to deal with a person and their issues before going further in future. I find that my expectations aren’t as simple as they once were in a partner. I’m not sure if that is good or bad?