|Work||Home||Choices||Pros and cons|
|Social sites||Children||Hypocrisy||Double standards|
|Obligations||Responsibilities||Website building||Dance classes|
|Office politics||Education||Drowning||Self worth|
|Determination||Credit report||Dispute||Co workers|
|Custody||Visitation||Father’s rights||Child support|
At any given time, any and all of these thoughts are floating through my head in one way or another. Any one of these words would spurn off an entire conversation about the multitude of things it triggers in my head.
After moving back down to Florida and being so focused on getting back on my feet, I found that in doing so was unable to get my medications. Now, after over a month of no medications I find I’m not doing too horrible without them. I ran out of my Cymbalta and had to quit cold turkey, which is so not good for you, but seem to have had little if any side effects. I have found I’m not having the symptoms that caused me to go on them years ago now. The only thing I can say I have noticed is being overly emotional when watching a movie or having serious conversation. I’m usually able to curb the tears and handle it if I back up and calm myself down.
I have found that if I watch the caffeine and acid intake that I am okay without the Acid Reducers they’ve got me on too. As for the lack of birth control, well, that one I will be going back on ASAP. I do not want any more children at this stage of my life, regardless of my girls constantly bugging me for a little baby brother.
My job has been good. I find I am learning to better handle people and public situations. It keeps me from crawling back into that shell and hiding. I still find I have days when I would rather not be social, but limit it to my personal life after hours. I seem to ping pong to needing and wanting interaction and being social to, ok I had enough at work, leave me alone now. When I got hired on I was told after my 90 days they’d offer me a place at a discount. I found myself asking my boss this morning if there was any way to take him up on his offer sooner. The girls and I are constantly fighting off sinus issues and sore throats since we moved in here. I’m tired of taking antibiotics and medicating my kids due to living conditions. It’s just not healthy here.
I have been walking most nights with my 13 year old now. We walk and talk and/or we meet up with a friend and he vents while we walk or sit. Gets us out of the house and makes me feel good that I’m actually doing something other than sitting at a desk for work or lying in bed at home. Gives us some “girl” time to talk and visit as well as just get out of the house. I’ve also been spending more time in the sun, trying to tan these ghost white legs. I’ve missed lying out and just enjoying the feel of the sun. As a teenager I lived in the sun all weekend. I made the mistake of underestimating my skins susceptibility and got really burnt about 3 weeks ago when I first spent a couple hours at the pool with the kids. I’m still peeling on my arms and legs! Even still I can’t wait to go to the pool tomorrow since I’m off work and it shouldn’t be raining. Last week the pool was closed, the week before it rained. Probably a good thing since it’s given my skin time to heal.
I’m finding I intensely dislike (hate) the schools here. The middle school at least. When we moved down from Greensboro my 13 year old was half way through Spanish II. We get down here and they don’t even offer it as a class at her school so we were told she would have to finish it online to get the credits. We got down mid February. It’s now mid May and up until last week I had still not received the info my daughter and I had both requested on multiple occasions. Now, to get the credit she will have to complete the class online over the summer, if it even counts now. On top of that the counselor didn’t even bother to review her records to see what she needed but simply told me to enroll her and she would approve it in an effort to appease my anger and frustration with her and the school. What good does it do to enroll her if it’s not what she needs to take and may not get the proper crediting once she’s done with the class?! Frustrating is the nicest thing I can say about the situation thus far.
My 19 year old son is talking to me again, sort of. He has really struggled with depression, low self esteem and a lack of self respect these last few years. After he came back down to Florida on his own in January it got really bad for him. It’s hard to watch him feel that way and not be able to do anything for him since it’s up to him to decide he wants to be happy and move towards that goal. His “baby mama” hasn’t made life any easier with his daughter. She makes things difficult on purpose. Funny, he went to classes to get licensed as a security guard. He could only find part time work making crap wages. Interviewed for a cook for Hooters, got hired on making more money full time hours. Sad…..very sad….
My 17 year old son was contemplating moving home to Florida with us, but recently said he was making long term plans and he knows everyone in PA now so he is staying there. He’s been doing great. Made the newspaper recently with his shot put and actually set a record as well. I miss him, but I understand he has better choices and chances where he is. He mentioned he may get to come down for a bit during the summer. I hope so.
I haven’t had much time or money to visit family since getting my job. I’ve been totally focused on getting on my feet; I have a job, a car and hopefully a place of my own with my girls soon. Then the only thing I won’t have is someone to share it with, but I’m ok with that. I’m sure it will happen when it should. I want so badly to get back into town and see my best friend and back over to my parents to spend some more time with them. But, again, I know it will happen in time.
My student loans have been on hold since last September. The hold expires in July this year. I’m stressing about being able to pay the loans back. I have been contemplating trying to get back into classes. But, then comes the question of what type of classes. Do I continue with the Psychology courses, Paralegal courses or try some business management courses? Do I have time to actually work on them with my current work schedule and the girls?
I have been talking with a guy I met on a social site for a while now. When we first met it was surprising to find we lived in the same community. His kids know my kids, etc… So, I think he’s interested but I’ve been so focused on the whole getting my feet under me thing that I haven’t really been interested in actually dating per say. And I’m not sure if that has influenced me in so much as I’m not interested in dating him or dating at all. He asked once how I would have reacted if he’d tried holding my hand and the idea just didn’t appeal to me. So I went on with the whole, “I’m not interested in you like that” speech. I have talked with a few different people and meeting is always an option I guess, it just never really happens. I’m talking with a guy now who would like to get together and meet in person, which I’m ok with, just seems our schedules are chaotic. Funny, I talk to lots of people, but find I get bored or annoyed with them after a while. Apparently men don’t tend to have social skills around here and I refuse to be the one to carry the conversation. If there isn’t equal interest and I constantly have to ask the questions then I’m just not interested in prolonging things.