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Seems like yesterday I just had my oldest. He will be 19 in September. My youngest is 10. Where has the time gone? I look back and think, I’ve missed so much. Through much of their younger years I was a single mom working for my aunt. There was no such thing as time off or in late or out early. The hours were the hours regardless of the fact that I had 4 growing children with school events to attend and moments when I should have been there for them.

Instead, I look back and all I remember is working all the time. The disappointing looks on my kids faces as they asked if I was going to be at this function or that one. I look around me and have to wonder how it is that all that time has passed and now my kids are growing at such a rate they will all be gone soon.

I worry that I haven’t been a good enough mom for them. Not involved enough. Not around enough. Not there for them when they wanted/needed me to be. I know I did some things right somewhere, they are good kids. They aren’t out stealing or murdering or vandalizing or any other manner of trouble.

Its true what they say you know. The older you get the faster time moves. When your young and carefree and have few responsibilities in life, life seems to drag on. But the minute you become responsible for yourself or others time starts flying at an extreme speed. The days just bleed into one another becoming months and then years.

Take tons of photos! Take time for your kids, they’re only young for so long! Be involved in their activities and day to day lives. Know who their friends are, who they’re crushing on this week, what goals they have this month. Take the time while you have it, for all too soon it will be gone and you will be looking back wondering the same things as I have. Where did the time go? When did they get that smart? When did they become so big? How did they become such great young adults? What will I do when they are all grown up and gone? Which sounds like a long time, but flies by in the blink of an eye.

The one thing I was adamant about through their growing was family dinner at the table. We all sat down and ate together. And later, we played question games. Mostly because I was noticing the age gap in my boys and girls and how little they really knew each other. So, we started asking random questions to random members about each other. What was her favorite color? What is his favorite band? What is his favorite foods? What are her best friends names? It worked more for the girls being younger and very much interested in their older brothers. The boys didn’t mind informing them and somewhat paid attention to the girls answers, but mostly tolerated moms games.

For those of you just starting families…keep baby books on all your kids. They will be surprised at all the different steps and things they went through in their early years that they don’t remember. And just because the book stops at 1 or 5 years, don’t stop. Keep your own little record books of memories for them into adulthood. When they got their first crush, their drivers license, their first day in high school, their first date, their first prom, all of these are memorable moments that they take for granted. Hearing it from your point of view makes it even more special.

Just thoughts running through my head after visiting a friends facebook page and realizing he was murdered two years ago already. I hadn’t realized it had been that long. I was sad to look back and see the man he was, the father and husband he was and all that gone at 35 years old by someone who wanted to steal his cab. By someone who cared less that he had a young boy waiting for him at home or that he had more of life to live then those measly 35 years. To see his boy now and know that he has no dad is hurtful, knowing that I was there all those years for my kids but was so absent.

Strange what thoughts trigger others these days.

Don’t ever take your life or family for granted. You never know how long you have with them.