Tags

, , , , , ,

My ex friend requested me on FB last weekend, which surprised me! He had deleted and blocked me previously so to see the request was a shock. But then reality kicked in and I thought, well, he must be single again….but that didn’t answer the question…why? Why friend request me after all this time..after the holidays and all the silence? What is it you want from me now? Its hard enough most days to keep myself in place and move forward. Its hard enough most days to not wonder what he’s up to. You would think that after all this time I would have fortified those walls damn good by now, but apparently not. I’ve done good so far since I havent contacted him, but that doesn’t mean I don’t want to. And that just leads me to question myself all over again. What is wrong with me? We’ve been there, done that and yet I’m still stuck on him. Am I really that much of a glutton for punishment?! DO I really need the heartbreak all over again? No matter how much he changes about himself or where he gets mentally, I’m still always going to be the mother of 4 kids and they will have been raised the way they are, which isn’t up to his standards. I’m always going to have a need for him to be affectionate, which he had such an issue with before and then I think…why are you even taking it that far….youre not together, probably wont ever be together again and its just messing with your head so Stop! as I yell at myself mentally..lol

What is it about this particular person that just has me going all tilt a whirly?  I mean really..lets look at the facts…without the emotions involved…

He’s been divorced a little over a year now.
He has 5 biological kids and 2 adopted kids.
He likes PS3 games
He likes to watch sports on TV
He can be a workaholic/perfectionist at times.
He chose her over me, even though he never “verbally” chose.
They are no longer together.
He still hasnt picked up his Cable box equipment to return to TWC.
He doesnt respond to the kids very often when they message him.

After the last few months, thats about all I really know about him anymore. Its like he is a total stranger and Im not sure how to feel about that particularly or if I should even feel about it at all. ANd Im still wondering why Im still going on about him…I must be demented or something….

Advertisements