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Well, I asked him if his feelings had changed that much in the last 4 months.  His reply was that they hadnt..and part of that was the issue.  Which I totally knew..When your words are telling me one thing and your actions are saying another, I tend to go with your actions.  And really what happened was….after being married with 5 kids and finally getting a little taste of freedom he jumped into a relationship with me and my 4 kids…and he didn’t like the restraint and responsibility and obligations that he all of a sudden had accumulated, again.  If he had just said that instead of continually saying, “we moved too fast”  then I would have understood and walked away much much sooner.  The problem being, he didn’t want to admit that was the problem.

So, now that we have had that conversation and he has finally said what I already knew, I am more comfortable with the split.  I can understand the wish to not have to worry about kids and their needs and wants and everything that goes with that, especially when they’re not yours.  The freedom to come and go as you please when you please.  Not that I’ve ever had it over the last 18 years, but I can understand the wish, need.   That’s the part of me that the rest of me cringes at when I think about sending my kids to their dads if I can’t get stuff handled quick enough here.  I would love to have some freedom, but then I think..what would I do with it…nothing.  I would do absolutely nothing.  My life has always been raising my kids.  Take that away and Id be lost for sure.

Either way, now he’s ready for his freedom and we have ended things and all of a sudden there’s a fire under his ass and he’s looking for answers and results asap.  Unfortunately, nothing can or will happen until I can figure out where I am financially.  I just hope he has the patience to hold out and keep this as amicable as possible.  He keeps stressing how difficult it will eventually become….Im fine..kids are fine.  Only way I see anything becoming nasty is if he decides he’s just had enough and wants to leave regardless.

Hoping things work out for the best for everyone!

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